The first thing that caught my attention about the issue we published 10 years ago was the fact that Dan Armitage teaches, “Kids Fishing Fun!” classes across the nation. This, in and of itself, is not unexpected. For those of you have been reading Dan’s fishing column for years, know he’s quite the angler. The part that enticed dry heaves so severe that my new co-worker thought he might have to rush me to the hospital is the fact Dan, in his article years ago, requested audiences member’s used chewing gum so he could “knead it and roll it into an atomically correct worm imitation.”
I’m not kidding.
In my head, I was yelling at 10-years-in-the-past Dan about the dangers of spreading infectious diseases through saliva. I’m typing this sentence with one hand as the other is place firmly over my mouth, trying to get my gag reflex calmed down. Call me crazy, but spit is gross.
When my own children give me sloppy kisses, it takes every ounce of self-control I have to wait until they walk away before I frantically start wiping it off. To think Dan asks for people currently-being-chewed gum is more than I can handle. At the very least, he could have picked up a rousing case of Hand, Foot and Mouth disease and at the worst, he could have concocted mononucleosis. It’s called the kissing disease, but it has less to do with kissing and more to do with interacting with other people’s saliva.
But since this story is really supposed to encompass boating and not gross mouth-borne illnesses, it’s time for me to move on. Just do me a favor, never hand me your used gum even if it’s nicely wrapped up.
Ten years ago, a reader letter pointed out we ran a photo in a previous issue that clearly displayed an older gentleman’s butt crack peeking out over his swimsuit. He opened his letter with the sentence “The phone page 48 cracked me up, but in hindsight a photo editor was needed.” I swear our readers are the wittiest people on earth. His letter concerning our faux pas cracked me up. The horrifying part was that we ran the photo again, next to his letter. It’s one thing to accidentally run an embarrassing photo but to run it twice screams “no mercy” to me.
The next story was about a Poker Run we hosted on Lake Pleasant in Arizona. Regarding the final hand, PDB Editor Brady Kay wrote, “You could sense the tension in the air as current leaders gripped their winning ticket like Drew Carey grips his grocery list.” When I read it, I thought to myself, “That doesn’t work anymore because Drew Carey has slimmed down.” I think this means we can start separating time with sayings like, “You know, back when Drew Carey wasn’t as skinny as he is now” which means approximately 10 years ago.
Last, but certainly not least, this was the issue where Brady narrated his three-day adventure from Lake Mead to Lake Havasu. One part of the story was about how he approached a houseboat and asked if they had any Grey Poupon and the captain of the boat was confused and apologized for not having any. I was confused as well until I Googled, “Do you have any Grey Poupon?” It seems this was an advertising campaign on the airways when I was a small child. Phew. I thought I was missing out on something important.
