Because I’ve been watching too many bad action movies lately, I flipped over the May 2005 cover and wildly thought, “Wow, is this okay for kids to look at?”
When I opened the issue, I have to admit I didn’t know who Editor Brady Kay was talking about in his monthly column outlining the perfect day. Walter Payton—is that the guy married to the Alaskan woman nominated for vice president? Mr. T—the cleaning guy on paper towels, right? Alan Greenspan—hmm, I’m getting nothing but elevator music upstairs…
Cultural references whizzing over my head aside, there’s a great letter to the editor about an anchor-setting picture not being very accurate. The photo in question shows a man hurling an anchor like a Scotsman in the Highland Games. What lift! What grace! But I guess some people can’t take jokes out there, because this guy took the time to write a letter about its bad example.
Following this is a shocker. In “Has Your Boating Gone To The Dogs?” on page 28, it reads, “Dogs, some of you might say, are the bane of boating everywhere.”
The bane of boating? I thought everyone liked having their pets onboard! I guess this makes sense though, for people who have a thing against messes, hair, drool and dander on the upholstery. My mom would be vehemently nodding along with this line of thinking, as she’s one of those kind-hearted yet cleanliness-oriented type people.
That said, I have a dreadful secret to tell you. As a kid when my parents were out of the house we’d let our dog inside and jump on their bed together! Their bed! This is one of those heinous crimes that just screams, “Take me out, mother! Take me out of this world!”
The only reason my heart still beats today is because, by some miracle of miracles, none of Lizzie’s long black hairs were ever spotted on the sheets. And the only reason I reveal it now is as a warning to all of you out there who ever thought about going onto someone else’s boat with your dog uninvited. So, lesson learned—only share secrets when you’re a few states away and can hit the road before said person can catch you. I mean, respect people’s pet-boat boundaries, because some of them care about cleanliness as much as my own sweet mother and that should, of course, be respected.
That said, we really have come a long way. Fast forward 10 years from this article and half the pictures we see posted on Facebook show off your cute little animal friends onboard.
And the story on Lake Sunapee Protective Association’s pontoon-aided research? Bonnie Lewis is to this day bent double in the sun as she collects samples with her Colby-Sawyer College student interns to analyze the water quality. She’s basically a famous person now.
And speaking of famous people, I looked up the Super Bowl Shuffle Brady mentioned in his perfect day.
What the what? It’s not a card game?
